BrunoSchulz The Infante and Her Dwarves |
The first time I went to Poland, I didn't go to
Auschwitz. I was a teenager. I had flown on money I earned as a nurse's aide. When
I was in high school, I made sure to be absent the day (yes really just one
day) we were going to study the Holocaust and watch the film.
A lot of life had to happen before I was ready to write a
dissertation that had anything to do with the Holocaust. Before I was ready to
write "Bieganski."
Basically, Indiana University happened. I saw so much darkness in my experience
there. No need to go into detail here. Most people know the story. For those
who don't there's the essay "A Small Miracle" online here.
So yeah Indiana University prepared me to write about
evil and corruption.
I finally went to Auschwitz, watched the films, read the
memoirs.
From my reading and listening, there are incidents that
stay with me. I pray for the victims. Specific victims, people whose identifying
features I remember. That one Russian woman, a suspected spy. What eight Germans
did to her, before finishing her off with grenades. I pray for her, and others.
I don't read this stuff much anymore. I don't anticipate
writing any further on the topic so I don't need to. It is a relief. I read and
write about other things, now. Thank you, God.
As it happens, the other day I stumbled across what may
be the single sickest thing I have read in my reading about the Holocaust and
World War II. It happened accidentally.
Peter Sean Bradley, prodigious Amazon reviewer and Facebook
friend, posted an article about an actor, perhaps it was Chris Pratt, saying
that his Christian faith prevented him from doing sex scenes.
I said, oh, that's so silly. Sex scenes are essential to
art. I reeled off a series of films that would be vitiated by the removal of
their sex scenes, from "Coming Home" to "Gone with the
Wind" to "Swept Away" to "Besieged" to
"Schindler's List." There's a sex scene in "Schindler's
List" that brings home to me how vulnerable women were.
Amon Goeth was the Nazi commandant of the Plaszow
concentration camp. His dogs were trained to tear human beings apart. He shot
random Jews from the window of his office. His victims, of course, included
women and children.
According to Wikipedia, "On 13 September 1944 Goeth
was relieved of his position and charged by the SS with theft of Jewish
property (which belonged to the state, according to Nazi legislation), failure
to provide adequate food to the prisoners under his charge, violation of concentration
camp regulations regarding the treatment and punishment of prisoners, and
allowing unauthorised access to camp personnel records by prisoners and
non-commissioned officers."
Even the Nazis didn't like Goeth.
After the war, Goeth was tried for war crimes and for "personally
killing, maiming and torturing a substantial, albeit unidentified number of
people." His last words were "Heil Hitler."
Ralph Fiennes played the part of Amon Goeth in the film
"Schindler's List." His performance was widely praised.
The sex scene in "Schindler's List" without
which the movie would be so much less features Goeth harassing his helpless and
terrified Jewish maid, Helen Hirsch. Hirsch was a real person. In the film
she's played by Embeth Davidtz, very well.
Hirsch has retreated to the basement. She is wearing a
light cotton slip. She is bathing so the slip is wet. Her body's contours are
revealed. Goeth comes down and "converses" with her, though he
supplies both sides of the conversation. He says he wishes he could connect
with her. He fondles her. Then he brutally beats her.
I wanted to share that scene with Peter and so I googled
the words "Amon Goeth" and immediately Google filled in the rest of
the search for me with these words: "Amon Goeth Helen Hirsch
fanfiction."
I wanted to puke right then and there.
Wanted to throw the computer across the room.
Fanfiction. Amateur authors writing romance novels about
Amon Goeth and Helen Hirsch, and posting them online for others to read.
I clicked on only one: "Fallen." I
skimmed some of it; didn't read the whole thing. What I read was pretty
vanilla. In one scene, Goeth takes Helen into the woods to shoot her to death,
but kisses her instead.
Okay, look. I wasn't born yesterday. I didn't just fall
off the potato truck. I know there is some weird shit out there. I've read
Andrea Dworkin's devastating article about Nazi-themed porn.
But this is just way beyond what I can handle. It disturbs
in its very vanilla-ness.
Amon Goeth isn't some fevered fantasy. He was a real
person and he was evil.
Helen Hirsch wasn't living the dream. She was innocent
and robbed of what so many of us can take for granted – normalcy.
"Fallen" has received hundreds of comments. Maybe
thousands; I didn't linger on the page. These aren't the type of people you
could sweep under the rug. They sound like moms, housewives, school teachers
maybe. Wanting a Nazi to kiss a Jew he just tried to kill.
I thought about this blog post for days. I thought, I
really need to come up with some deep, complex analysis.
And then I thought, screw it, I can't. I just can't.